New Year’s Eve at Louie Lodge. My husband and I will be apart today for the first time since I met him 18 years ago. One of the high school bands he works with was invited to march in the Citrus Bowl parade in Florida yesterday while today they marched at Disney’s Magic Kingdom. I stayed back here in Ohio with our kids.
December 31 is usually a quiet night for us. We hang out at home, watch the ball drop on TV, and catch a few musical performances. No big parties for us. Nobody but us. I often wish we had a big group of people to hang out with but the truth is we don’t have a posse we feel close enough with to do that. I’d rather lounge on my comfy sofa with the blanket and fireplace going and not deal with whomever is on the road and shouldn’t be.
Tonight is a night of quiet reflection, again.
I usually make a big list of resolutions at the start of the year and take this last week of the year to reflect on the progress I’ve made so I can plan next steps, but not this year. I’ve had the last few days off work but instead of reading, relaxing, and reflecting, I’ve been tidying and tying up loose ends: making overdue appointments and dates with friends, cleaning, and purging clothes and household items that clutter up the place. I’m glad I did…it needed to be done…but I feel very unsettled heading into 2019. I haven’t done the proper meditation and planning to start the new year.
How I love a fresh slate, an opportunity to start all over again. I am way overdue for reinvention, for new beginnings. My husband jokes with me that I need a change of some kind every three years: a new city, new house, new job, or new kid. It’s been 14 years since we’ve had a new house or city, and eight years since I changed employers or had a kid, so I am well overdue on many fronts. Given that we aren’t planning any more kids, you can see where this is headed.
I was feeling very hopeful about 2019 until about an hour ago. I had my heart on a certain puppy for the last week or so, and I thought the breeder told me we were next in line to choose, but I learned moments ago that the puppy I had my eye on has been scooped up by someone else who jumped ahead of me. Perhaps I misunderstood the breeder, but I’m actually heartbroken over this. It’s crazy. It’s just a puppy but I woke up this morning of new year’s eve thinking she would be ours and join our family soon, another sweet little heartbeat to add to the home, but instead she’s gone, just like that. Now I don’t know what 2019 holds for us.
Pardon me while I go take some time to think about that as the clock winds down to midnight.
But before I go, here’s wishing you all, around the world, a peaceful and prosperous new year full of good health and joyous community with your favorite heartbeats.
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash